he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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