Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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