My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
