oh god the rape fog is back!
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
