jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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