I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
