im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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