my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
