oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
