Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
