We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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