so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
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We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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