I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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