if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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