Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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