I want to stick my p in your. b.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
