it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You left your phone here
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