Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
