There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
