Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize