He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
