The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
