if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
