Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
