the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
