I never want to see another naked old woman again.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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