its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
