then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
