I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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