well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
