I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
