i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
