I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
