Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If I die, sorry about rent.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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