So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
And then he peed in my hair
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