He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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