Do you still have your period?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
