I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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