youre lurking in front of me
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
