I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
