I accidentally burped into my bong.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
