So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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