How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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