I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
