I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
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the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize