My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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