sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
