hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
4 words: hood of his car
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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