I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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