Just fell off a train. Bad.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
