Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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