It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
