just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
tell me about the fingering
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