I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she peed on how many people?
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i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Just puked most of my soul out..
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