Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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