"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
