If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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