The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
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My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
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Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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