I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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