got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
