God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm getting married
To pizza
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
