i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
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