So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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