i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
