Cold hands, warm shart.
youre lurking in front of me
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
