i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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