you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
