Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
