I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
