I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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