he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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