I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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