Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
