Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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