Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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