jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
