i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
They should really pass out barf bags in church
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
